“Write what should not be forgotten.” – Isabel Allende

How simple yet amazing is that quote?  When I stumbled upon it I knew I had found the perfect title for my first post in this blog.  Matter of fact not only is it perfect to the post below, but it also goes perfectly with the picture above that I took for the post.  The above picture is of the intro page to one of the books my wife Kate wrote and left for us.

I’ve been a widower for almost 11 months now, my wife Katelyn who was 29 years young passed away on November 4th, 2016 from Metastatic Breast Cancer.  I share stories of our years spent together all the time.  I often share on social media my random thoughts, our memories, updates on our kids, and the new mindset that I inherited because of her.

Let me explain a little more.  I have a lot of personal motivation, reasoning, and purpose for writing about her.

When I think about Kate there’s one emotion that often disrupts a good thought or memory about her.  It’s that her ability to carry on her own story stopped on November 4th.  Its the fact that her life story will stay frozen in time exactly how it was on that morning.

I think about how under no circumstance is it possible for her to alter her story or add to it.  She can not continue on with her story even though so much of what she did and was responsible for is still very much alive in our family everyday.  She can’t reminisce, recall, or share the memories that she was a part of.  I know that may seem like a selfish perspective or strange thought to have, but to me that’s not fair, so I write about her.

That feeling above, which I guess would qualify as some form of survivors guilt is one of the biggest reasons why.  But there’s a few more pretty significant reasons why I write about her often and still include her in much of what we do.

Kate gave me so much over 7 years.  She gave me her hand in marriage.  She gave me an amazing life together with her.   She forgave me every time I was wrong.  She gave me two perfect sons.  She taught me more about patience, life, grace and courage than anyone ever could.   She trusted and allowed me to take care of her when she became sick.  She trusted me to love and care for this life that we started together and to care for our children exactly how she would have.

She would worry about me and the kids more than she would worry about herself, literally up until the day that she died.  Most important of all, she did something to me that no one else every fully did.  She made me happy.

When you’re thrown into a situation where all of a sudden you have limited time, you start talking about a lot of things that you normally wouldn’t.  Would you believe that we even picked out two specific locations that we could meet at whenever I needed to talk.  That’s right one place inside the house and one place outside on our property.  She would always say, “I probably wont be able to talk back, but if I’m allowed to listen I will…so just go there and talk to me.”

She would often talk about things that she wanted us to know for when she was gone.  She would tell me and the kids so many times in the months before she passed away that she would always watch over us no matter what and not to worry.  She would tell us constantly that she would always be in our hearts and love us forever.  Even in the picture above as an example when she wrote, “I love you forever and endlessly.”  It was all the time.  She wasn’t going to ever let us forget that.

I do have to say though, that my personal favorite was when she would tell me or text me that, “The most important thing is, even if were apart, I’ll ALWAYS be with you.”  She would always send a picture of Winnie the Pooh with that saying on it.

With all of that being said, I’m never going to leave her behind because of how important it was to her to let us know that she would never leave us behind.  I’m not going to let her legacy in this family die.  I’m not going to let her memory become a thing of the past.  Who she was to me then, is why I am doing well today and she still deserves to be a part of it.  She was such an awesome person and deserves to be talked about.  She’s very much alive in our hearts and as long as I can help it, that’s how it will always be.  Her story CAN continue on through our family and life that she helped create.  Even thought she left us, her story will not.

I’ve never lost sight of the fact that I am going to see her again one day.  I look forward to telling her that I kept my promises and followed all of her advice on how to continue on with life.  I can’t wait to tell her that we never stopped loving her, that we never forgot about her, and that we kept her story and memory alive.

I’m actively living a happy life that’s possible because of her.  I’ll never deny that.

And for that reason, I will always write about her and…

Write what should not be forgotten.

– MindsetMatters