20 Days Till Heaven…Day 9 – Spreading Germs, Cinnamon Toast, and Lilly Pulitzer

October 24, 2017 Michael Weese Comments 0 Comment

20 Days Till Heaven…Day 9 – Spreading Germs, Cinnamon Toast, and Lilly Pulitzer

Memories from October 24th, 2016 – Day 9

In life there are always situations that we will never understand until we are part of them. You will never truly understand the ins and outs or the emotions involved until you are a part of it. It doesn’t matter how many books you read, movies you watch, or people try to give you advice. Your understanding will be developed only after you are inserted into the situation. It’s at this point you realize that nothing could have prepared you for it.

There are two very thin lines that I learned about around this time.

The first involved me as a caretaker of Kate. On one side of the line was, “I need to push her to do what she is supposed to do.” On the other side of the line was, “you’re dying and I don’t want to upset you by pushing you too hard, so do what you want to do.”

Just to provide an example. Imagine someone telling you to make sure that they eat and take their pills no matter what. When you push them to do these things, they refuse and insist that they cannot do either. Afterwards, they tell you, “thank you for being there and pushing me to do what I am supposed to do.”

Wait a second…did we just go in a big circle?

It’s confusing and it tears at your heart really bad. You do eventually start to develop a resolution as time goes on that works for the situation. It includes a balance of both. Regardless, it’s still a thin line with no black and white clarification. It still conceives feelings of frustration and discomfort. It leaves you hesitant when deciding what is the right thing to do.

The second thin line involved her as someone who was dying. On one side of the line was, “I don’t want to die, I really wish I could stay.” On the other side of the line was, “the reality is I can’t stay no matter what I do, so I am at total peace with it and with God.”

It was hard for me to process that someone could have coexisting thoughts such as, “I would love to still be here, but I am OK with going.” Her disposition at times was even that consisting of, “I am ready to go.” It was difficult to understand the willingness and consent to go that she would exhibit.

On with the story, today she woke up feeling pretty bad. You know that bug that Pierce had? That handful of vomit that she caught in her hands from two days ago? It had come back to haunt her.

I called to check in a little while later

Here is an audio clip of that call.

The night before when I was driving around to grab us food she ended up not eating much at all, she lost her appetite. Now today she was getting sick and was not eating either.

We had our next call, and it wasn’t that pretty of a call. I asked her to take her pills that she had to calm her nausea so that she would have an appetite. She was supposed to take it from our last call and even the night before, but she didn’t. Now the bug was making it worse. She pleaded her case and I pleaded mine. My case was, “take your pill for nausea and eventually you will have an appetite.” I added that, “you’re not only skipping your pills, but you’re not asking for them either.” Her case was, I am sick because of Pierce not because I don’t have an appetite.

Here is an audio clip of that call.

A little while later she sent me this. I can’t remember if she ate it or if I looked in the trashcan to see how much she actually ate, but I was glad that she tried.

We had a short call a little while later, she told me that she was on the phone with her sister Ashley.

Now this next message that I am sharing may seem a bit eccentric. Somethings that may normally seem bizarre to discuss become quite conventional during times like this.

I had a set of very specific instructions from Kate on how she wanted things to be when she passed away. As an example or two, she didn’t want to have a viewing, and she wanted to be cremated so that her body could be with us. She also wanted her urn to be painted like her favorite Lilly Pulitzer dress. She had mentioned this before, and I thought I knew which one it was, but I needed to make sure.

There’s a little gap in what happened the for the next 8 hours, but later in the evening I was picking up Regan from Cheerleading practice and we had a brief call discussing if Pierce was going to go to school the next day. We agreed that maybe he should stay home one more day.

Soon after we had come home, she asked for some food before the night was over.

A little rougher day today. Pierce is coming off of being sick, Kate is now sick, I start to get sick, but we are all still here and able to be sick together.

-Mindset Matters

Day 1 – I’LL TRY NOT TO SCARE YOU AND YELLOW CHEESE

Day 2 – DO YOU KISS ME, CO-PAYS, PINTEREST, AND SCANS

Day 3 – I GET TO BE HAPPY NOW, THIS IS A POSITIVE THING

Day 4 – SHARE THE NEWS, HAPPY DWARF, AND PEOPLE ARE AWESOME

Day 5 – FIELD TRIP, DELICIOUS FLOWER BOUQUET, AND LAST PICTURE

Day 6 – DISNEY SMELLS, NURSE, AND SLEEPOVER

Day 7 – CONFESSIONS, CARDS AND JOURNALS

Day 8 – PIGGYBACKS, CHEER SUPPORT, VISITS, AND ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP

Day 9 – SPREADING GERMS, CINNAMON TOAST, AND LILLY PULITZER

Day 10 – IF YOU HAVE A BAD DAY…PRAY

Day 11 – SETTING THE STAGE, URN EMOJI, AND CHECK YOURSELF